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July 3, 2015

10 films you’re allowed to make in the UK

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At Wildseed, we believe that there are literally hundreds it not thousands of great UK generated stories waiting to be told. However there are only a few movies that are deemed to be “Box Office”, most of which, surprise surprise, go some way to affirming America’s idea of what the UK is.

That is why we have launched our punky “microbuster” strategy – which we believe is the best (and possibly only) way of proving that there are great stories to be told, and the audience there to justify it. However, in that we can probably only make two or three of these movies a year – here are some of the British Film you can no doubt look forward to in the

12 months ahead while you are waiting for our next one!

Film One – “It’s tough to be posh”

A film involving repressed aristocracy struggling between duty and desire – the subtext being “it isn’t as easy being posh as you would think”.

EG The Kings Speech.

Film Two: “There’s strike and I’m coming out”

A Film involving, for some reason, striking miners, and liberation through the adoptions of non conventional male sexuality.

EG The Full Monty, Billy Elliot, Pride, Brassed Off.

Film Three: “Cockney’s on Coke”

Films involving Cockneys and cocaine where some sort of likely lad gets in too deep with psychopaths the film maker can’t quite help get the horn for.

EG Lock Stock, Layer Cake, Dirty Beast.

Film Four: “Being working class has damned me”

A film involing the unending misery of being working class and living on an estate, usually made by middle class film maker, giving the whole thing a slightly unpleasant sense of being a pornographic zoo of misery.

EG Breaking the Waves.

Film Five: “Oh Mr Darcy”

A “Bonnetathon” adapted from one of our literary greats involving various shades “Colin Firth coming out of the Lake”.

EG Pride and Prejudice

Film Six: “Gosh aren’t we all sillies”.

A film involving the endearing dithering of a group of middle class friends who went to university together, but are finding the choices of adult life and love a just little bit confusing.

EG Notting Hill

Film Seven: “Old people fall in love too”

A film involving old people finding love in European Mini Break hotspots, resulting in them feeling able to dance in public”

EG To Paris with Love, Mamma Mia etc.

Film Eight: “Cold witty spies are good at killing”.

Can be serious, or can be a comedy – but the premise is the same, spies or other security operatives with trouble expressing themselves emotionally due to training and/or being posh, are nonetheless able to remain witty while killing people.

EG James Bond, Kingsmen.

Film Nine: “Well it did Jolly Well in the West End”

The film adaptation of play that the producer saw with their partner in the West End in press night and “just had to have”. Usually directed by the original stage director as their way into the movies – with rather beige results.

EG: Posh.

Film Ten – “Silly talking Animals amuse middle class children/childlike adults”

A film, often adapted from a book, in which middle class children, often suffering from emotionally distant father, encounter a talking animal (real of fantastical), and, after increasingly dangerous japes, find the courage to confront emotional issues and heal entire family as a result.

EG Paddington.

 

– by Jesse Cleverly

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